Bruce or not Bruce?

Contrary to his long facial-hair, fingernail growing, body-odor smelling, namesake; faithful reader Howard Hughes recently informed me that, for his birthday, his wife had purchased a facial for him.

So I decided to do a survey to determine where a facial ranks on the “LHCB Metrosexual Scale”.

From a statistically relevant survey of one, Lefthanded and Colorblind (LHCB) has now compiled these results:

1- Male Facials

From the May 2006, GQ “Style Guy”:

Q: I’m an 18-year-old straight male who loves getting a massage every so often, but more important, I get a facial every month and it’s bliss! When I tell my buddies how nice facials are, they think it’s incredibly girlie. Is it okay for men to get facials?

A: Of course it’s okay, but why would you tell your buddies or anyone else about it, unless perhaps you were asking your accountant if it’s tax-deductible? That’s what’s unmasculine—chatting away about your beauty regimen. Okay, guys, facials work, and it hurts when they pop your blackheads. But they make you look better, and if trying to look better is girlie, you can call me Mary.

LHCB Survey Result: Mary, you can call me Bruce.

2- Male Manicure

Putting the Man in Manicure.

“But getting a manicure still puts me in the minority of American men. Although no single organization seems to keep track of male manicures, blending a few surveys suggests that one in six men in the United States have had a professional manicure at least once, and one in 10 do so several times a year.

LHCB Survey Result: Bruce does manicures.

3- Male Pedicure

Bruce 1

“Remember to use powder on your feet during the summer. Also use powder when wearing athletic shoes, winter or summer.

During the winter, feet dry out, then often get rough. Keep your feet smooth by applying lotion to rough spots. A pumice stone helps, too.

Again, this can be part of your morning routine. It only adds a minute or two daily!”

Bruce 2

“hey im a guy and i started getting manicures and pedicures about a year ago. my first time i went with my girlfriend and i got a french manicure and i got my toes done red with a flower. i obviously didnt keep the french manicure very long b/c it would look funny but i kept the red toes. now i go all the time when my girlfriend goes to get her nails done but no more french manicures. i only do my toes now and only certain ppl get to see b/c i dont want everyone on the street staring at my toes. my girlfriend gives me manicures with colors sometimes but i dont keep the polish on my hands in public.”

LHCB Survey Result: BRUCE!

4- Male Plastic Surgery

In 2001, approximately 136,000 men reshaped their noses, 48,663 underwent liposuction procedures, 44,726 tightened the skin on their eyelids, 27,817 tried hair transplantations, 18,548 had their breasts reduced, and 106,056 injected botulinim toxin into their foreheads to forestall wrinkling.

LHCB Survey Result: You Go Girl. Work out or get out.

5- Male Hair Removal

When Hairy Met Sally.

In 2004, laser hair removal treatment was enjoyed by a total number of 196,847 U.S. men.

LHCB Survey Result: If it helps you get more…

Definitely NOT BRUCE!