Being John Malkovich

I am unsure as to the exact date it happened. One would think that significant, life-changing events would not pass un-noticed, but it did. Unbeknownst to me, a change happened. Ignorant of the dramatic turn of events, I recently transitioned from being a young hipster, to being, well…my dad.

Recently, I was out for dinner with a friend of mine who is the same age. It was a nice dinner, followed by drinks at the accompanying bar. Perhaps it was the work attire I was wearing, or maybe it was the subtle lighting of the place casting deep shadows over my face, but either way, it the midst of a conversation with some young lady at the bar, she called me “dad”.

At that very second, I decided that it would be educational and enlightening to have a Being John Malkovich -type portal. Such a portal would allow me to be able to view myself through the eyes of somebody else. See, in the movie, the main character finds a portal leading inside John Malkovich. For 15 minutes you see, hear, and feel whatever John Malkovich is doing…and then you fall out by the New Jersey Turnpike.

Except for the New Jersey Turnpike part, it sounds great. Just think of the ego-boost. I could flatter myself with comments like “you look like you’re 29” and generally flirt with myself.

Let me tell you, if I had my very own portal, there would be no more of this “dad” crap from anyone except my daughter.