Finnish Names

Many Finnish last names are funny (Mr Sling ass (Linkoperä)), gory (Mrs Fetus (Sikiö)) or weird (Mr Nation's ditch (Mr. Kansanoja)). Some names are overly grand (Mr War power (Sotavalta)) or a bit naughty (Ms Good breast (Hyvärinta)). What other country has had a prime minister called Mr Duck?

Finns are so used to their names that the quality and humor of the names doesn't become apparent until they are translated to some other language. So I’ve written a short story in English using both the proper Finnish names and the same story using their English translations:

Finnish Story

Mr. Lempinen and Ms. Lysti had lunch together. During lunch they met Mrs. Humalainen, who was dining with Ms. Impinen. As they sat at the table, they heard a loud noise, that of glass breaking. They looked over and saw Mrs. Humalainen and Mr. Julmala having a fight and crashing glass over Mr. Iho, Mr. Ilmio and Mr. Hourula, all of whom where indulging themselves.

Mr. Jaykka, walked over to Ms. Iho and said “of all the angels in heaven”. Ms. Iho retorted, “who do you think I am? That slut Ms. Villikko?”. Just then Mr. Tuhola came up and punched Mr. Jaykka in defense of his girlfriend Ms. Iho.

Translated English Story

Mr. Love and Ms. Fun had lunch together. During lunch they met Mrs. Drunk, who was dining with Ms. Virgin. As they sat at the table, they heard a loud noise, that of glass breaking. They looked over and saw Mrs. Drunk and Mr. Cruel having a fight and crashing glass over Mr. Skin, Mr. Phenomenon and Mr. Delirium, all of whom where indulging themselves.

Mr. Stiff, walked over to Ms. Skin and said “of all the angels in heaven”. Ms. Skin retorted, “who do you think I am? That slut Ms. Wild Girl?”. Just then Mr. Destruction came up and punched Mr. Stiff in defense of his girlfriend Ms. Skin.