Subsidize Me

Alitalia Airlines Tanya Hostess – Alitanya - This is a stewardess doll representing Italy’s Alitalia Airlines. She’s wearing the official stewardess uniform, and carries her “leather” shoulder bag.

For the first time in five years, I recently flew on Italy’s national airline, Alitalia. Alitalia’s common nickname is "Always late in the air, late in arrival". I arrived at London Heathrow for the flight two hours before departure.

When I arrived for the two hour flight, the line for check-in wound around and around, beyond sight of the check-in desk. I waited in line for one-hour, forty-five minutes.

But it doesn’t matter. The wait was worth it. I forgot how much I enjoy Italy. Especially the major cities like Rome. Everyone is beautiful in Rome. The women are gorgeous, the men are stunning. Even the grandma's and grandpa’s are attractive.

After sprinting to the gate with a crowd of other late people, a literal herd, we arrived to the late model airplane transport. The stewards and stewardesses were all beautiful. After the flight took off, they served us all good wine, tasty sandwiches and sumptuous pasties at the end of the meal. The stewards even wore nifty “captains hats”. I would have trusted these guys to fly the plane based on the care they took in their uniform presentation. And all of this took place in a two hour flight.

By contrast, my 10 hour flight from SFO to LHR was staffed by dumpy air waitresses who wanted $5, €4 or £3 for really bad wine. And they had the gall to serve me salty pretzels and no choice of meal. All in the name of profitability.

I am now a big fan of government subsidies of airlines. I’ve come to realize that government subsidized airlines are much more enjoyable than the standard, profitable airlines.

From Business Week: “Last year, the company (Alitalia) lost an average of €1 million ($1.3 million) a day, and it hasn't posted a profit in five years. Its labor woes and inefficiencies are notorious: In one particularly mind-bending example, Alitalia forfeits countless millions in revenues every year as paying passengers are regularly bumped from its most profitable Rome-Milan route to make room for commuting pilots and crew who have refused to relocate to Milan's Malpensa hub.”

Revenue, smevenue, bring on the good food and hot sky waitresses. Richard Branson and his Virgin Airlines definitely have it right.