The Stuff of Heroes

I’ll never forget the first time I heard of the sport of “ferret legging”. I was about 12 and my friend brought his new pet ferret over to my house. If you’ve never encountered one of these creatures, they have been described as: piranha of the land, shark teeth on a rabid squirrel body, and most accurately, fur-coated evil with claws like hypodermic needles and jaws like a pit bull.

While I was sitting at the kitchen table, he let the damn creature loose and it proceeded to crawl up my leg. While I was dancing around the room, shouting and beating my pants the piranha bit me. I’m sure it was all a hilarious scene. This was the day I discovered the “sport” of ferret-legging.

Ferret Legging – The History

In merry olde England, when only the wealthy were allowed to own ferrets, poor poachers would sometimes hide illegal ferrets in their trousers. This practice evolved into a competition known as "ferret legging." During the competition, men, naked beneath their trousers, would see how long they could keep a live ferret down their pants.

Ferret Legging – The Sport

Ferret Legging involves tying of a competitor's trousers at the ankle and the introduction of two, particularly savage and boisterous ferrets into the trousers followed by a "final" tightening of the belt. During their desperate attempts to escape, the ferrets jump from one pant's leg to another, biting and chewing in a clawing panic. No undergarments are allowed during the contest, No jockstraps allowed. No underpants. Nothin whatsoever.

Ferret Legging – The “Champion”

The reigning world champion, Reg Mellor, is a thoroughly tattooed resident of Barnsley, Yorkshire. He attributes his success to his ability to endure repeated and sometimes simultaneous bites to, if you are still wondering, "his tool", which apparently is intact, though after one particularly grueling contest of "Keepin 'Em Down" Mr. Reg Mellor was reported to have, "swelled to the size of a five gallon coffee can."

Nice.

Ferret Legging – The Champion Retired

Mellor is a proud man. Last year he retired from professional ferret-legging in disgust after attempting to break the magic six-hour mark- -- the four-minute-mile of ferret-legging. After five hours of having them down, Mellor found that almost all of the 2,500 spectators had gone home. Then workmen came and began to dismantle the stage, despite his protestations that he was on his way to a new record. "I'm not packing it in because I am too old or because I can't take the bites anymore," Reg told reporters after the event, "I am just too disillusioned."

Mellor refuses to acknowledge that his talent is made of the stuff of heroes. "Naw noon o' that," said the champion. "You just got be able ta have your tool bitten and not care."