Marriage

I recently celebrated my 10th wedding anniversary. I also recently received this story in an email. It made me consider the trials and tribulations of marriage.

"Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?... What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wisemen and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.

But, the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered... is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened?

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day... or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT... make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?

Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now... what is the moral to this story?

If you don't let a woman have her own way.... Things are going to get ugly

Crash and Freeze

At one point in my life, I worked in Trondheim, Norway. During the time I worked there, Trondheim was celebrating it’s 1,000 birthday. A millennium celebration.

This event was fascinating enough but then I discovered that at one time in its history, Trondheim was host to a famous Minnesota resident; Lief Ericson. Leif Ericson lived in Trondheim around 1000AD as a military retainer (read: old Norse hit man) of King Olav.

Now old Lief holds a special place in my heart. Growing up in Northern Minnesota, I often heard and read about the legend of a blonde Sioux Indian tribe. A whole tribe that apparently carried the genes of Lief Ericson himself. Old Lief was obviously busy during his stay, impregnating a whole tribe of ancient Minnesotans. Other than the blonde hair gene, the only evidence he left of his stay in Minnesota were a few controversial ruin stones.

So on my first visit to Trondheim, I was keen to experience the Trondheim that Lief would have seen. But it was dark. Dark and cold. Nonetheless, I wandered around with my friends until I came upon a hill with a strange contraption embedded in it.

My discovery came after a gorgeous meal and great quantities of wine and schnapps. At first, I couldn't quite figure out what the contraption was but it was then explained to my by my local colleagues. "It's a bicycle lift".

The problem was, I didn't have a bicycle. Soon my colleagues, in their best socialistic demeanor, produced a bicycle. I tried a few times to mount the beast, only to flail into the nearest snowbank. Evenually I got the hang of it.

I started up the hill, the heel of my right foot implanted firmly on the lift foot-pedal. I climbed the hill faster than expected and tried my best to steer the bike at the same time. About mid-point, it all went wrong and I crashed and slid down the hill, ending up frozen in a snow-bank.

I'll bet Lief would have made it.

Jacked

The other day, I was driving down Fifth Street in San Francisco when I psychotic-looking person walked up to my car and began to tug on the door handle. He then proceeded to pound on the window of my car.

Although the San Francisco intrusion passed with no ill harm, I have twice been party to attacks in my car. The most incredible incident happened in Manila. I was a passenger being driven in a corporate car when group of kids jumped on the car and began pounding the vehicle with clubs and rocks. The driver was able to accelerate out of the attack.

But this all made me consider? What could you possible do if you were truly carjacked? what is the ultimate car security device? Other than the futuristic device pictured above, I think “The Blaster” may be the ultimate car-protection device.

The Blaster

The device is built into the car doors and is operated by pushing a button beside the foot pedals. It sends a man-high fireball from the car, engulfing the hijacker without endangering the passengers or damaging the auto's paint.

Operating the $650 device requires much less movement than pulling a gun, and therefore -- theoretically at least -- involves less risk of provoking the carjacker into shooting.

Bingo

Bingo Auto Defense operates from either a dash mounted command button or remote controler with instant response time to ward off a harmful or even deadly encounter with the would be car jacker.

BINGO at your command activates a strong defensive posture by spraying your attacker thoroughly with pepper spray. BINGO !!! Hopefully that's the end of the encounter, but remember BINGO is ready at your command to repel multiple attackers or intruders. Bingo provides real knockdown power.

It's A Problem

This video as example.

Queen Mary 2 v. Alcatraz Island

The other day, the Queen Mary 2 sailed under the Golden Gate Bridge into San Francisco Bay for the first time. As we watched her cruise into the bay, the giant ship passed Alcatraz.

From the perspective of my home, which sits about 500 feet above sea level, the ship dwarfed the aircraft-carrier-sized rock that sits in the middle of the bay. I began to wonder how the perspective actually compared to reality.

QM2:

• Length: 345 meters / 1132 feet
• Beam: 40 meters / 135 feet
• Beam at Bridge Wings: 45 meters / 147.5 feet
• Height (Keel to Funnel): 72 meters / 236.2 feet

Alcatraz Island (Alcatraz)

• Length: 1750 feet
• Altitude above sea level: 25 meters
• Width: 525 feet across at the widest point
• Altitude above sea level: 25 meters

Alcatraz Island is longer, has less height, and is wider than the Queen Mary 2, but the ship builders keep trying:

” Royal Caribbean Cruises to build the world's largest cruise ship, which will be constructed at the Masa Yard in Finland for delivery in May 2006 with an option for a second ship for 2007. Dubbed the Ultra Voyager, plans have her at 1,112-feet long and 18 stories high, accommodating 3,600 passengers with a crew of 1,400. Royal Caribbean estimated that the total cost of the project would be about US$720 million.”

I’m not going to be Howard Hughes

A new study from the Korean Consumer Protection Board has shown that shopping cart handles harbor more bacteria than public bathroom door knobs.

The study showed that shopping cart handles had and average of 1,100 colony forming units of bacteria per 10 sq. cm. Public bathroom door knobs had only 340 units.

There were an average 690 colony forming units found on a computer mouse used at Internet cafes. Hand straps on buses were found to have 380 units, elevator buttons had 130, and hand straps on subways had 86 units on average.

And now, this important legislation from Fred Allen, a freshman Arkansas legislator from Little Rock. Playing to his base of "older women", Fred apparently heard from a "number of older women" who were afraid to go to the grocery store because of what might lurk on their shopping cart handles.

“They mentioned that they didn’t want to go shopping because the shopping carts were nasty,” he said.

As a result of those encounters, Arkansas is poised to become to the first state in the nation to officially encourage groceries to offer sanitary wipes to customers who use shopping carts.

Though bolstered by his first legislative success, Mr. Allen said he had no plans to promote the sanitation of other public handles, like those of doors, vending machines and escalators.

“I’m not going to be Howard Hughes,” he said.

Me neither...

Amidst the Chaos

For a couple years, I lived in the Causeway Bay district of Hong Kong. This area of Hong Kong is especially crowded with nearly all of the 8 million or so inhabitants trying to cross the same street at the same time.

You may see pictures of this bustle or maybe even experience the crowds, but unless you actually live there and have to swim upriver in this stream of humanity on a daily basis, it’s hard to image the confinement and smell of these crowds as you try to deal with them every day, multiple times per day.

After the excitement of living in HK wore off, I began to get annoyed at all the sensory bombardment that would occur. In the midst of this trauma, this very peaceful, musical note would ring out. It took me awhile to figure out what the peaceful sound was amongst all this chaos. I finally found the source of the sound. The source was a bald, saffron-robed monk holding a finely tuned, brass bowl that doubled as both an offering bowl and as a beautiful instrument.

After months of listening to the gong of the bowl and of receiving the peaceful calm that would overcome me upon hearing the clear notes, I approached the monk who was banging his bowl-gong. We smiled at each other and I rambled on asking where I might be able to purchase such a fine instrument. He continued to smile at me until I realized that we had no common languages. I deposited an offering in his bowl and went on my way.

Over time, I would observe the bald, robed monks at the crossing in Causeway Bay. Occasionally, I would approach them again and go through my same standup routine, only to drop more money in their bowls and depart with no more knowledge about the mysterious ringing bowls.

Finally, I mentioned my quest to one of the Chinese executives of my company. The next day, we jumped in a car and we drove over to one of the ubiquitous and anonymous 40-story buildings that populate the Wan Chai district of Hong Kong. We entered the building and took an elevator to the 16^th floor. We got out of the elevator and I looked to my left where there was yet another office. I then looked to the right where there was a non-descript door. He led me to the door and we entered to find an entire Buddhist temple, resplendent with incense smoke, all the normal offerings, statues and peaceful calm that you always find in such a temple. Right in the midst of this skyscraper! He then led me to another small alcove where there was a little shop selling an assortment of Buddhist items, including three different sizes of my magic bowls.

I still occasionally bang on my magic bowl, much to the chagrin of my wife, but to this very day the sound brings me a peaceful calm.

The World's Most Useful Substance

As previously discussed, my readership leans toward the slightly neurotic. Everyone has their “issues” but faithful reader Howard Hughes is the king of the neurotics.

I’ve often blogged about Howard and for Howard, providing links to new products and techniques to avoid those “things you cannot see”; germs. Howard is always surrounded by Purell. One on his desk, in the car, on the belt and I’m sure a Costco-sized barrel at home. I always thought this was due to his neurotic fear of germs. And then I read this story:

The 49-year-old Maryland inmate seemed seriously sick after he drank from a gallon container of hand sanitizer. Described as "loony," "red-eyed" and "combative," officials whisked him to a nearby hospital for treatment.

But they quickly discovered he wasn't ill -- just very, very drunk on Purell.

The October incident, detailed this past week in the New England Journal of Medicine as one of the first documented cases of its kind, has raised questions about the potential abuse of alcohol-based hand sanitizers.

"The widespread use of hand sanitizer is fraught with a great deal of danger," said Suzanne Doyon, medical director of the Maryland Poison Center, who co-authored a letter in the journal about the case. "From an infection control perspective, they are excellent. But there is this risk involved."

Purell, which is 70 percent alcohol, is far more potent than beer (5 percent), wine (10 percent) or hard liquor (40 percent). Doyon said the non-alcohol ingredients in hand sanitizer don't pose a health risk if ingested.

The Maryland inmate, described as usually calm, seemed intoxicated and began "lecturing everybody about life" after imbibing the Purell, Doyon said. His blood-alcohol content level was found to be 0.33 -- more than four times Maryland's intoxication standard.

Since the October incident, the Maryland Poison Center has received reports from five or six other adults in the state who consumed hand sanitizer because "they were looking for a buzz," Doyon said. Washington Post

This explains so much. Next time Howard starts to “lecture me about life”, I’ll calmly tell him to put down the gallon jug of Purell he carries around on his belt and sleep it off.

The Psychology of Triggers

I recently found myself in an interesting predicament. The predicament has to do with a relatively recent phenomenon associated with the merger and acquisition business. The phenomenon is commonly referred to as “change-of-control-triggers”.

The common element of such triggers are, as paraphrased from Business Week ”in the event you were terminated without cause or quit for good reason, that you were able to collect a certain amount of severance. The other point of such “triggers” is that regardless of whether or not they should accept the bid, shareholders don't want management distracted by from where the next paycheck will come.

One of the earliest cases of a payout related to a change in control was in 1979, when Reliance Electric was involved in takeover negotiations with Exxon. But it was at Bendix Corporation in 1982 that really got people's attention. Bendix launched a bid for Martin Marietta. Martin Marietta then made a hostile bid for Bendix. After that, Bendix ended up being acquired by Allied Corp.

In the course of this, the CEO of Bendix bailed out and took an expensive parachute with him. Congress then passed legislation that dictates that if you receive compensation of more than 2.99 times your annual pay, it should than be subject to a special excise tax. Now days, these agreements are more common. You now you have "single triggers" in which a change of control alone is enough to cause a payout.”

Single trigger language example: “In the event a Change in Control occurs , the vesting of each of the stock options to purchase shares of common stock of the Company set forth on Exhibit A hereto shall be accelerated in full, such that the Executive shall be entitled to exercise such stock options (in accordance with the exercise terms and conditions set forth in the option agreement and/or plan pursuant to which such stock options were granted) to the same extent as he would have been entitled had he been continuously employed by the Company until the end of the vesting period related to each such stock option.

"Change in Control" shall mean the consummation of any of the following events during the Employment Period: (i) a sale, lease or disposition of all or substantially all of the assets of the Company, or (ii) a sale, merger, consolidation, reorganization, recapitalization, sale of assets, stock purchase, contribution or other similar transaction (in a single transaction or a series of related transactions) of the Company with or into any other corporation or corporations or other entity, or any other corporate reorganization, where the stockholders of the Company immediately prior to such event do not retain (in substantially the same percentages) beneficial ownership, directly or indirectly, of more than fifty percent (50%) of the voting power of and interest in the successor entity or the entity that controls the successor entity, provided, however, that no Change in Control shall be deemed to have occurred due to the conversion or payment of any equity or debt instrument of the Company which is outstanding on the date hereof.”

My interest in the topic of triggers comes from first-hand experience. My company was recently acquired by another, larger company. It has provided me with a front row seat on the monetary and psychological impact of such triggers.

What’s interesting to me is the psychological impact of these “triggers”. It actually forces you to actively look for a position at a new company. Rather than preventing the executives from wondering where the next paycheck will come, there is a distinct financial advantage to leave. Even in the event that you like your job and would like to stay at the combined company.

Perhaps it’s overly socialistic of me, but I now believe that granting triggers to limited set of executives is counterproductive and actually hurts the transition and integration to the new company. Rather, if the CEO wants to ensure the continuity and integrity of the company during the acquisition, they should ensure that the stock option plan for all employees contains an consistent acceleration, say 25% of each employees holdings, regardless of the the rank of the employee.